


Choices

by Alois_D



Series: Choices and Consequences series [1]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 05:50:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4553118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alois_D/pseuds/Alois_D
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two men have to say good bye...Post Season 5</p>
<p>Disclaimer: All characters are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement intended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choices

**Author's Note:**

> This is the prologue of my fic "Consequences" - I hesitated before posted it here, but if you're interested in reading a story about Brian having two great love in his life, let me know  
> Thank you for reading!

**_**July 2007** _ **

__

"I can't hold him back."

 

It is just a whisper lost in the warm, soft wind which surrounds him at this turning point in his life. The night is just beginning on this early day in July. New York is breathing with life and there are noises everywhere. People walk down the street not taking the time to look, to really feel or contemplate the choices which have brought them to this very place, at this very moment in time.

 

One man is standing still, looking through the window of a gallery, alone. He seems paralyzed, lost in thought, grounded to the asphalt of the sidewalk, though if one looked closer, they would notice that his line of vision never alters.

 

The object of his stare is inside; of course, so near, yet so far. He hasn't seen him in more than three months and he knows without a shadow of a doubt that the end is coming. __Their end__. The older man doesn't want it. In fact, he wants to fight it with all his strength. The man inside, not a boy anymore, is the only person who has reached his heart and soul and that is saying a lot, knowing that the man was a selfish asshole to begin with. Yet now, seven years later, the brunet would die rather than live in a world without him.

 

Besides his son, this young man is the only one who has that much power over him. That is why the pain he is feeling is so strong right now, because of what he is about to feel tonight and what he will do in the morning. So he will live these last moments to their fullest, remembering every detail for as long as he can, and then he will move on. Move on to a new life, but he refuses to think about that for now.

 

With that thought, Brian takes a step forward and opens the door...

 

________________________________________

 

**_**_August 2009_ ** _ **

 

"Is he happy?"

 

The sadness in his voice is hidden, but it's not enough, his friend knows him too well.

 

“He is. Aidan is good for him." Michael knows it's hard for the blond to hear that, still it's the truth, a truth he needs to hear because even knowing it was his choice Justin is struggling with the aftermath of his decision. "Justin, it ́s what you wanted, remember? For Brian to stop waiting for you, to live his life freely, without strings. Without you."

 

"I know." God he knows that. Closing his eyes, he thought about the hardest decision he had to make in his life.

 

The first year after moving to New York had been hard. No one knew him, and what he thought was a good idea at first seemed to have become a living hell within about ten minutes after his arrival.

 

The place where he was living was a dump, he had to work seventy hours a week to pay the rent and afford a place to use as a studio, whose owner he had made contact with through Lindsay, and his art wasn't selling because he couldn't find a gallery who would agree to show the works of an unknown artist from Pittsburgh.

 

Nonetheless, after time and with perseverance, he did it. He wasn't a known artist per se, but he was getting there. Being in the right place at the right time had provided him with some really good luck that had opened doors for him within two years; but it was also closing other doors...

 

When the offer arrived to spend five years in Europe, he knew it was an opportunity of a lifetime and that he couldn't turn it down. He wanted it, and for all about five minutes after the proposal, he felt like he was flying, like the purpose of his life was just there, like he had finally made it, and became the best homosexual that he could ever be. Then that's when he realized what it really meant.

 

It was over. He couldn't come back to Brian. Not because he didn't love him, as sometimes being apart from him was like his life was slowly bleeding out of every pore. Nonetheless, he couldn't make Brian wait for him for five years, maybe more. It would be cruel and selfish. Yet, he couldn't miss this opportunity. He wanted to go, and he knew Brian wouldn't let him stay even if he wanted to. When the realization of what it meant dawned on him that night Justin had a panic attack right there in the street. He took all of twenty five minutes and three people to calm him.

 

He fought the idea of ending it with Brian for five days before giving up. On the sixth day he called Michael and told him about the proposal and about what it meant for him and Brian. By the end of the phone call the tears rolled freely on his cheeks as Michael promised to be there for Brian and to make sure he would move on.

 

Two weeks later, he saw him one last time. In the sweet evening of July in New York, Brian was more beautiful than ever. Every moment was cherished for both of them, but it was so fucking painful. Justin took a cab in the early hours in the morning, without looking back, without saying goodbye to Brian who was still asleep, and while the city was as quiet as it could be, without the car horns or the whistling of the bystanders, the car speed away from his first love. This time, this moment, felt more final than when he had left the Pitts so Justin allowed himself to dream about a world where he could one day hope for a happy ending....

 

"You still there?" Michael's voice brings him back to the present as he lets his memories fade away.

 

"Yeah." He struggles to breathe, because it's so fucking hard, even after all this time it’s hard to realize that his dreams will never come true, and that this time he really has lost Brian." Does he love him?" His own voice startles him because right up until that second he didn't know he was going to ask that question.

 

"Justin..." He hears the warning in his friend's voice and for an instant he is grateful that Michael wants to protect him from the hurt he knows for sure he is going to feel.

 

"Michael, I want to know. Knowing he is happy and in love, it's all that matters." And he means it, even if it hurts.

 

"I... you know Brian...he doesn't show his feelings...he..."

 

"Michael, you're his best friend..."

 

The silence that follows is all Justin needs to know.

 

"Justin...he is happy...healthy...and yeah...I think he loves him. Yet I'm pretty sure he still loves you and he always will. It's who he is."

 

He can feel the lump in his throat and Justin is grateful for the small pause which allows him to compose himself.

 

“And what about you? How are you? And how is Paris?"

 

Ten minutes later when Justin hangs up he allows himself to feel the pain for about a minute before he goes back to his painting. Brian is finally happy and ultimately that's all that matters.

 


End file.
